Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Self Reinvention
In life, there are times when we feel like moving on is the answer. Not necessarily about love or relationship, it can be about life phases itself.
Recently I have spent a lot and most of my time looking for Mr. Right (I was a hopeless romantic, maybe still am) because for me being single after 8 years of relationships is hard. Why did I say relationships? Cos I never been single for too long, I've had two relationships for four years each, so it's weird doing things by myself. And then I started to literally beg my friends to introduce me to every single man they know-which was desperate, I know.
Several days ago, I was in my room, staring the ceiling, thinking. Why should I feel so insecure all the time, my life does not revolve around some guy. God knows what's best for me. All that happened to me was by my choice and His will. Maybe, I haven't meet Mr. Right because I wasn't ready. Maybe, I need to focus on my career. Maybe, I have a lot more to do and to accomplish before I met the one. So I started to look things differently... We are where we are supposed to be, and everything happens for a reason. Yeah, I finally understand that I need to set a new priority. Focus on that, so being single won't hold me back from all the beautiful things that will happen in my life. I don't want to be naive and said I'm all ikhlas - that would be a lie - but heck I have a lot to be thankful for, why don't I focus on that. And here I am, not looking for a man to save me. I'm just gonna have a great time, making the most of it.
Aside my quiet love life, I was in the comfort zone where "this is who I am, I'm fat, I like to eat, and you can say shit about me, and I don't care" is what I told my self every day. Then earlier this year, I got lots of comment saying more or less like these: "sheesh ayu, you're so fat" or "omg, you are so big" or "no wonder you're fat, you eat like a pig" and what makes them even more hurtful is that they came from people who barely know you. I mean yes, we are relative in a way by blood, but that doesn't mean you can say those words when you met me after a long time we haven't seen each other. That's not polite. So I cried all night, thinking what did I do wrong, why won't they leave me alone, etc. Then one night, half angry and half realizing those are facts what they said to me, I thought it's time for me to really look at the bigger picture. First, they didn't mean to be cruel to me, they just said what they saw, out loud. Second, am I really comfortable with my body? Did I really enjoy wearing Ill fitted clothes cos they're too small for me? Third, I realize the danger that caused by obesity, but did I really understood and do I want to have all those disease?
I don't like the answers, but I am living a lie that I created to make my self feel better about my body. I knew at that very moment, I have to start doing something. And by March, I started working out.
I have lost 9 kilos now. I was 72,3 kilos when I started my diet and work out plan, now I'm 63. It's not easy, believe me. I'm an emotional eater, so everyday is a battle for me. It took a strong will and focus to lose weight - I said this not because I have the qualities, but because I'm lack of focus and strong will. My friend Eka, lost 13 kilos in 2 months, me? 4 kilos LOL. So I think the best way to lose weight is not only you have a strong will and focus, but also you have to enjoy the process, its ups and downs. Anw, I have another 10 kilos to lose :p My objectives are I want to get healthier, I want to feel good about my self (which often comes after I work out), the third is to look better (Of course I want to look better!)
Anywaaaay... Yesterday I decided to cut my crazy long hair I had forever (last time I cut my hair short was in junior high), so it's a big step for me too.
I think self reinvention is the first and major step to have a better life. Knowing yourself first, feeling great and happy, and with God's will nothing will stop you.
These are my before and after pictures, enjoy ;) (stripes top and pink cardi is the after, posing with ladyboy is the before)
Recently I have spent a lot and most of my time looking for Mr. Right (I was a hopeless romantic, maybe still am) because for me being single after 8 years of relationships is hard. Why did I say relationships? Cos I never been single for too long, I've had two relationships for four years each, so it's weird doing things by myself. And then I started to literally beg my friends to introduce me to every single man they know-which was desperate, I know.
Several days ago, I was in my room, staring the ceiling, thinking. Why should I feel so insecure all the time, my life does not revolve around some guy. God knows what's best for me. All that happened to me was by my choice and His will. Maybe, I haven't meet Mr. Right because I wasn't ready. Maybe, I need to focus on my career. Maybe, I have a lot more to do and to accomplish before I met the one. So I started to look things differently... We are where we are supposed to be, and everything happens for a reason. Yeah, I finally understand that I need to set a new priority. Focus on that, so being single won't hold me back from all the beautiful things that will happen in my life. I don't want to be naive and said I'm all ikhlas - that would be a lie - but heck I have a lot to be thankful for, why don't I focus on that. And here I am, not looking for a man to save me. I'm just gonna have a great time, making the most of it.
Aside my quiet love life, I was in the comfort zone where "this is who I am, I'm fat, I like to eat, and you can say shit about me, and I don't care" is what I told my self every day. Then earlier this year, I got lots of comment saying more or less like these: "sheesh ayu, you're so fat" or "omg, you are so big" or "no wonder you're fat, you eat like a pig" and what makes them even more hurtful is that they came from people who barely know you. I mean yes, we are relative in a way by blood, but that doesn't mean you can say those words when you met me after a long time we haven't seen each other. That's not polite. So I cried all night, thinking what did I do wrong, why won't they leave me alone, etc. Then one night, half angry and half realizing those are facts what they said to me, I thought it's time for me to really look at the bigger picture. First, they didn't mean to be cruel to me, they just said what they saw, out loud. Second, am I really comfortable with my body? Did I really enjoy wearing Ill fitted clothes cos they're too small for me? Third, I realize the danger that caused by obesity, but did I really understood and do I want to have all those disease?
I don't like the answers, but I am living a lie that I created to make my self feel better about my body. I knew at that very moment, I have to start doing something. And by March, I started working out.
I have lost 9 kilos now. I was 72,3 kilos when I started my diet and work out plan, now I'm 63. It's not easy, believe me. I'm an emotional eater, so everyday is a battle for me. It took a strong will and focus to lose weight - I said this not because I have the qualities, but because I'm lack of focus and strong will. My friend Eka, lost 13 kilos in 2 months, me? 4 kilos LOL. So I think the best way to lose weight is not only you have a strong will and focus, but also you have to enjoy the process, its ups and downs. Anw, I have another 10 kilos to lose :p My objectives are I want to get healthier, I want to feel good about my self (which often comes after I work out), the third is to look better (Of course I want to look better!)
Anywaaaay... Yesterday I decided to cut my crazy long hair I had forever (last time I cut my hair short was in junior high), so it's a big step for me too.
I think self reinvention is the first and major step to have a better life. Knowing yourself first, feeling great and happy, and with God's will nothing will stop you.
These are my before and after pictures, enjoy ;) (stripes top and pink cardi is the after, posing with ladyboy is the before)
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